summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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