elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just want nice things and good sex
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
