I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
