Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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