Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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