she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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