he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
