just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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