I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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