Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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