I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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