we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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