At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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