I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
