I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
They have beer where we have blood.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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