super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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