I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
