do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
