from now on my penis is your penis
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just puked most of my soul out..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
