At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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