Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
