3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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