just come out here and I will go home with you...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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