Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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