Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
