I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
