I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Green mimosas i think yes
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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