i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
