I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
