Only a mothe r could love this liver
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
