like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
