but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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