i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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