Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
