Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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