I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dignity is for republicans.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
