I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
