Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
