And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
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