I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
