Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
