We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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