So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
