just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
