Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
