I'm going to jail i love you
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
