Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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