well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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