and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
