if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
