I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
