Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
