Jerry, you need to find god
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
