this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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