Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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