I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
