you guys were way drunker than both of me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
