my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
