this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
