The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
